Well, orginally, I wasn't going to post about everything that is going on in our lives but I decided that I really need to clear my head- vent a little- and get it all out in the open.
At my appointment before Jarhead was born, my doctor suggested that I have a induction that Thursday so that the baby wouldn't be to big and because it would be easier for me since I was already overdue. i assumed this meant that she would be my doctor (i go to a group practice)... Well, on Monday, and Tuesday, there was still "no room in the inn". On Wed they called around 4p and said they found room and to come in at 10p. I never planned to be induced but I was so pregnant, so sick, and so ready for Jarhead to come into the world. So, in I went on Wed night to start what would be the most uncomfortable few days ever... They told me that another doctor was on call, but I thought since my doctor was the one who wanted me to come in, i might still be seeing her.. But that was not the case, I was stuck with one of the doctor's i didn't like...By Thurs, I still hadn't progressed much and I had hit my pain point so i opted for the epidural. It felt wonderful. Although, they messed up the first time and i had to get it again, having it during 1 minute contractions was tough to stay in the position they wanted me in and to not squirm. 2nd thing that happened that I hadn't planned on. I guess I knew that the birth wouldn't go as planned but I didn't think it would go that different. Then, Friday came and I was finally at a 10 and was allowed to start pushing. After a few long hours, all that was happening was the coning of Jarhead's head.. So, the doctor said I was to go in for a c- section. i didnt want to argue. i was tired, I wanted to believe she was telling me to do this for my health and my baby's health and not for her convenience. I'll never really know for sure tho. so- in i went, just another thing to add to the list of the unplanned.
after jarhead was born, he was a beauty. he was so handsome with his chubby cheeks and smooth skin. he truely was an angel that had been given to us. i didn't mind when he wimpered in the night because i knew it meant i'd get to hold him. i loved just looking at him and his deep blue eyes and brown hair. he was truly right from God, given to us at this time to raise and to love. He was/is perfect. By Saturday night though, things weren't going as perfectly when they had to take him for a few tests and found that he had a blockage by his bum. It would require surgery. So, he and Mr.Clean went to The Children's Hospital while i stayed up at HCH. It was horrible being away from my baby and my hubby so soon. At least my family was there, mom and gram stayed with me and dad with mr. clean. I got out on mon and went home to shower because I knew I wouldn't be home for a while and then I went to CH. There we waited with Jarehead until they let us take him home on Wed. it was 5 of the longest days of our lives. he needed to be bottle fed mostly at the hospital although they let me start BF before he came home. he didn't really like that idea. at least he switched to the BM pretty easily and didn't get attached to the formula.
Coming home was tough, exciting but tough. We were so stressed from everything that had happened earlier that week. Then he came home and he wasn't sleeping or eating well didn't make things much better. at his first appt that Friday, they said he wasn't gaining enough weight. We wanted to stick with nursing but as I paid more attention, we realized he wasn't really eating but just chilling there nibbling for an hour and a half or so. We switched the the bottle but stuck with the breast milk. So I began the crazy schedule of pumping and feeding. BUSY! Jarehead turned into a new boy when we switched to the bottle. it wasn't an easy decision and Mr. Clean let me make it on my own although he was thinking we should switch. i didn't want to and i cried when i made the decision. but in the end- it's not about me, it's about my little man and if he's happier and healthier with the bottle then I should be too. Jarhead is now gaining the weight that he should be and he's so much happier now. I don't feel like a failure, I tried and I dont feel like I gave up. I just changed my route and did what needed to be done for my baby to succeed. Pumping FT allowed me to build up a good supply so that when all of this stuff happened with my body, we didn't have to switch right to formula and could still use my supply.
so really, everything that i had planned had changed and change is tough but i was adapting best I could and pressing forward, trying not to become frustrated with the "unplanned-ness" of so many things.
a few times during my pregnancy, i experienced the worst pain that i ever have in my entire life. a true "10" on the hospital scale of "how do you feel?" I assumed they were gas pains and part of the pregnancy and when I went to the ER the first time, they said that was probably it and so I just sucked it up. On 12.27, it came again but the usual things to help it go away didn't help this time and after about 5 hours we went to the ER. after waiting about 1.5 hours in the waiting room, the pain went away and so we came home. Mr.Clean's mom came that week and when the pain came back on 12.31, she said we should go in because having it this often could mean something other than gas. she thought of gallstones and after googling it- we realized all the symptoms fit what i was feeling. so- we left jarhead with her and went into the ER... again.. After waiting in the ER with a not nice nurse for what seemed like forever, (about 2 hours), we got back to see the doctor who after looking at me, feeling my stomach, and seeing my pain gave me strong pain meds, and ordered an ultra sound. There were a bunch of gallstones chilling in my gallbladder! No wonder I was in so much pain! We were there about 5 hours. The only real solution is surgery to remove the gall bladder and so I scheduled an appointment with a PCP and the surgeon. That took about a week or so to get them all set up and the surgery was scheduled for a week later. (total of 19 days since finding the stones) On 1.8, the pain came back after taking the medicine and being sick for hours, it finally relieved itself for about 1n hour and a half only to come back again. on 1.9 we were back in the ER after about 12 hours of pain. They gave me medicine took more ultrasounds and sent me home. I almost went in the night before my surgery but decided to wait it out since I knew I'd already be sitting in the hospital all day...
The day of the surgery was a long one. Mom came up to take care of our little Jarhead. We came into the hospital around 12p for my surgery at 2p. they made me start fasting at midnight and
stop drinking at 8am. They were behind at the hospital and I ended up not having my surgery until 530! i was almost crying i was SO hungry! and thirsty.. i was allowed to swish my mouth with water as long as i promised not to swallow. but it was better than nothing! I was sent home that night around 1030 and was told I had no diet restrictions!! FREEDOM!
- or so i thought-
Wed I didn't feel very good so I stuck to soups and sandwiches*although i did add cheese to my sandwich!* i couldn't even eat half of the panera bread creamy tomato soup that mr. clean bought me! i stuck to my meds every 4 hours because i tried to ease up around 4p and decided that was not super smart. by thurs, i was feeling worse. glad mom decided to stay and help. i was lightheaded, really nauseas, and in a lot of pain. i also started throwing up everything i had really eaten that day around 4:30. we called the surgeon and he said it was because i was taking to many of the narcotics. so we let my last dose wear off and i stuck to tylonol. when i was still throwing up by 6, we called him back to ask if this was normal. he said to come into the ER. we came in the the brought me right back. they gave me morphine and some other pain meds but neither worked. it truly was the worst pain i ever experienced. worse than labor. i even think it was worse then the other gallstones pains (although maybe because the gallstone pain usually only lasted a few hours- this was constant) it was hard to breathe, hard to move, horrible. finally they gave me more meds and those at least took the edge off..they were going to wait 2 hours to do a catscan but since i was in so much pain, mr clean told them they could not wait that long. they took me in very soon after that. my nurse was very nice and felt bad she couldn't give me more medicine... after a little while, they were able to give me more medicine and i was finally feeling a little better! The doctor came back and said that i had acute pancreatitis and i would need to be admitted. They think a gallstone came out and got lodged in the duct between the gallbladder and the pancreas.
and here we are. when i was leaving , i was too drugged and misplaced my cell phone. i think it went down with the linens. just another crappy thing to add to the list. so i'm stuck here without a long distance phone. on Thursday and Friday, I wasn't allowed ANYTHING to eat or drink even. I have never been so thirsty in my entire life. by saturday morning, i was allowed clear liquids and then full liquids for lunch. for dinner this evening i was allowed to add bread to the diet. yogurts, broth, tomato soup, ice cream, and now breads. not many options. i also have to discard my milk. i've been tossing since tuesday. my supply is really low since i couldn't eat ALL day Tuesday, or Friday and part of Thursday. no food= not much milk. plus i missed pumpings the days of both surgeries because i was under the anesthesia....being in the hospital has been pretty crappy. mr. clean has gone home to sleep- and i'm glad. i didn't want him to have to sleep in a crappy chair for a few days. i've played a lot on the computer, watched a little TV on the limited channel options they have here, and tried to take at least one nap a day. My day nurse has been great. Her name is Marsha and she is like an angel. I love when she comes in in the morning and am sad when she leaves. Tomorrow is her day off though- blah- so i hope i have a good day nurse. my night nurses have been okay- but nothing compared to Marsha. It makes such a difference having a good nurse when you're stuck in a crappy situation. It kinda makes me want to go work back in the nursing home. It was crappy and it was HARD but I was good at it. I was cheerful and happy and I know that I made the residents smile. I want to make people smile more... The worst part about my stay here in the hospital is being away from my Jarhead. I"m glad my mom stayed to help take care of him... This way Mr. Clean can come visit me. They were going to bring him to see me but we decided that with the germs and icky-ness of a hospital it would be best if he stayed home. I miss him. He's started smiling more (at least I got to see it 2ce before coming in!) and he has started laughing. He's getting really strong legs. Mr. Clean says he prefers to be held so that he can "stand" instead of being cuddled or held cradled. I hope he still lets me cuddle him when i get home.. potentially the day is tomorrow- if i can handle "real food". The GI doc said I prob won't be able to have a reg diet for a while tho. he didn't really give a time frame tho. but i hope soon. i'm so tired of eating this bland food. i want a pizza, a taco salad, chicken salad, a hebrew national hotdog, chips and queso, chicken wings with blue cheese dressing, and sooo many more things. all i can think about is food these days and i can't wait to eat again.
so- where does this leave us? tired, stressed, and grateful for the little things. .. life has been tough and i'm close to saying i can't handle it anymore. i don't think i've ever had so much go on in my life at once- ever.. i want life to be normal, to slow down, and to let us have a break. it's really not to much to ask i don't think. my maternity leave has been nothing of a leave. it's been filled with 3 ER visits, a hospital stay, and at least 8 doctor's appointments for Mr. Clean, Jarhead, or me. ::Sigh:: once life has slowed down- i won't miss it's craziness. I usually love being busy, being entertained, having things to occupy my mind. but not this. THIS is stressful.
But- soon(hopefully) we'll have our happily ever after. i know things will be a bit crazy in between but it'll slow down. and we'll definitely be grateful when it's all over.
I know what a post. I'll add a pic of Jarhead to have made it all worth it.
